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last extremity

November 24, 2009

I am living in a world of morbid nerves, clear and cold as ice… I do not know when I will summon up the resolve to kill myself. But nature is for me more beautiful than it has ever been before. I have no doubt that you will laugh at the contradiction, for here I love nature even when I am contemplating suicide. But nature is beautiful because it comes to my eyes in their last extremity.

Akutagawa Ryunosuke
(as quoted in Yasunari Kawabata’s Nobel Lecture)

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